Superwoman Syndrome

Posted on Jan 28, 2012 in The Couch by eParisExtra

Every morning I start my day with a running “to-do” list in my head.  An example of a typical “to-do” list for me would include caring for kids (i.e. meals, driving to and from, homework, PTO, doctor’s appointments), caring for my home (i.e. dishes, cleaning, laundry), work duties (i.e. teaching, counseling, writing), volunteer duties (i.e. meetings, phone calls, etc), social duties (i.e. lunch dates, phone calls), and when I can health duties (i.e. exercising). I generally pack the majority of this into a 12 hour day, every day. When I see this in black and white, I see just how ridiculous it is.  What inspired this article is my own need to put away my cape and learn some balance.

Here are some questions to ask yourself if you think you might also suffer from Superwoman Syndrome

• Are you a woman who thinks you have to do it all?
• Are you trying to raise a family, have a career, serve in your church, keep up your home, attend all of your kid’s activities, work out at the gym and be socially active?
• Are you constantly on the go?
• Do you find it hard to relax?
• Do you find it hard to say “no”?

If you answered yes to any of these questions you might just need to listen up!

So what is Superwoman Syndrome?  It is the need to “do it all” and be the best, while juggling multiple roles.  A superwoman sets standards for herself that are unnaturally high and strains compulsively toward impossible goals.  She works for perfection and measures her self-worth in terms of productivity and tangible accomplishments. The result is stress! 

According to Dr. Madeline Ann Lewis, co-author of Overcoming the Superwoman Syndrome, “The Superwoman Syndrome is a range of physical, psychological, and interpersonal stress symptoms experienced by a woman who attempts to perform perfectly in multiple or conflicting roles”.  Superwoman Syndrome can have real and dangerous consequences. Feeling the need to be everything to everyone causes tremendous amounts of stress in the lives of women.  Stress related illness include heart problems, headaches, migraines, high blood pressure, and ulcers.  Stress can also lead to poor coping strategies such as overeating or seeking out relief in the form of prescription medication.  Some signs that you overly stressed include:

• Mood swings
• Irritability
• Poor memory
• Difficulty concentrating
• Emotional outbursts
• Indecisiveness
• Focusing on the negative 

So where do we go from here? How do we undo, what can sometimes be, years of cape wearing Superwoman status?!?! There are five tips that can help you start to simplify your life:

1. Let go of perfectionism. Change the sheets when you can, dust only for company, and make hamburger helper! Learning to let some of it go, is key to reducing stress.
2. Compromise. I can’t make every PTO meeting or every school party.  I have to learn to manage my mommy guilt and do what I can. If that means making (or buying) cookies to send for the party and catching the next PTO meeting, then that is what has to happen.
3. Delegate or hire help. There is no maid in my future (boy sure wish there was and for those that can afford, it go for it!!), but I can learn to let my kids complete age appropriate chores at home.  At work, I can delegate appropriate duties to my co-workers.
4. Learn to say “no”. If your plate is already full and someone says “Hey would you like to join our committee?” As hard as it may be, you MUST learn your limits and how to say “no”.
5. Build a support system. Talk to your spouse, best friend, or mother about what you are going through. You never know they might even offer to help. 

Superwoman syndrome comes from a genuine place of wanting to help and to be our best.  There is nothing wrong with either of these things, but when cape-wearing is interfering with your happiness it is time to take action.  Stress is a killer, literally, and as mothers and wives we have to be healthy to take care of and be present for our loved ones.  Take a deep breath, throw away your to do list, burn your cape, say no, and make sandwiches for supper!

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Ashley Womack has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s degree in counseling and is currently a doctoral student at Texas A&M University-Commerce. She is a licensed professional counselor intern and a licensed chemical dependency counselor. Ashley has worked in community mental health for several years and is now a therapist at Insight Counseling of Paris www.insightcounselinggroup.com . Her specialty areas include substance abuse counseling and child-centered play therapy. She is also teaches counseling classes at A&M University-Commerce.