‘Conflict Resolution’ by Ayesha Shafiq

“Bringing a problem to resolution and closure through continued discussion and compromise is an honorable act as it shows respect for the needs of both partners.”   – Lynne Namka.

Ayesha Shafiq, eParisExtra columnist

Ayesha Shafiq, eParisExtra columnist

Conflict is a situation created in almost everyday life. Not all people are alike and not every situation in life is guided by one person’s values, motivations, perceptions, ideas or desires. There will always be two sides to every story and every situation.

When conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem. This need can be a need for security, identity, recognition, importance or merely a need to survive.

Hence, the needs of both parties play important roles in the long-term success of most relationships and each deserves respect and consideration.

If one can acquire the ability to examine the conflicting needs of both parties with compassion and understanding, it will lead to creative problem solving, team building and improved relationships.

When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen to what is felt,

We connect more deeply to the needs of others and understand the emotions behind such needs.

Listening informs us of the true need behind any conflict and makes it easier for us to understand others and their needs and also ourselves and our needs.

However, one’s ability to read another person’s need depends on one’s own emotional awareness as well. The more you are aware of your own emotions; the more you can associate and connect with other people and their feelings.

Your ability to manage all your feelings properly is the basis of a communication process that can resolve conflicts.

Emotional awareness helps you to:

  • Understand yourself, which means, what is actually bothering you.
  • Understand what is troubling other people.
  • Communicate the needs of both parties effectively and clearly.
  • Attract and influence others towards a resolution.
  • Stay motivated till the end when the conflict could be resolved.

Conflict resolution means the ability to quickly reduce stress and bring your emotions and the emotions of others into balance by resolving a matter that threatens the needs of either party.

You can resolve a conflict quickly and efficiently if you stick to the steps mentioned below.

  1. Focus on the present situation: If you are holding grudges based on past experiences, it will impair your vision to see the current situation clearly. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.
  2. Listen to what is said and what is felt: Listening connects us more deeply to our needs and the needs of others. It makes it easier for others to listen to us when it is our turn to speak. In the middle of a conflict, pay close attention to the other person’s non-verbal signals. It will make you respond in a way that builds trust and get you to the root of the problem. A calm tone of voice, an interested or concerned facial expression can go a long way towards relaxing a stressful situation.
  3. Introducing humor into a stressful situation: You can resolve many arguments and disagreements if you introduce humor into your communication. Humor can let you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. In this way you can laugh with them and not at them.
  4. Do not focus on winning, focus on conflict resolution: The goal should be strengthening the relationship, rather than winning the argument. Be respectful of each other’s needs.
  5. Pick your battles wisely to win the war: Choose your battles wisely. Since battles are time consuming and draining. It will take your focus from resolving the WAR. Focus your energies towards the resolution of your goal, which is ending the war.
  6. Know when to let go: If you cannot come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument. You can choose to disengage and move on.

The key to resolving conflicts is to not feel threatened by them but to accept them as means of communication to understand each other’s needs. Rather than avoiding a conflict, one must be brave to face the conflict head on with the capacity to respond to the things that matter to each party and should have the readiness to compromise, forgive and forget without holding resentment.

This ability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to either party, without having angry, hurtful and resentful reactions strengthens a relationship bond and increases one’s understanding of another while building trust at the same time towards a long lasting relationship.

By Ayesha Shafiq, eParisExtra columnist  


Ayesha Shafiq is Director of Paris Cardiology Center, wife of Khalid Shafiq M.D. and mother of their 2 children. She’s been the director of Paris Cardiology Center for 11 years. She holds a Masters in International Relations and runs management with the help of 22 employees.

PEDC expects report this week; Lancaster files request for ‘all information’ sent to investigators

PEDC_depot_sliderParis Economic Development Corp. hopes to have the investigation report from Defenbaugh & Associates by Friday, but at least one council member is unwilling to wait that long.

Councilwoman Sue Lancaster has filed an open records request for “any and all information sent to Defenbaugh & Associates from PEDC.”

“I want to be an informed council person, and the only way I can be informed is to get the information,” Lancaster said. “It’s interesting that other people have seen that report, but I haven’t. (City Attorney Kent) McIlyar has seen it, and other council members have been reported to have seen it, but I haven’t. That leaves me making decisions in the dark, and I don’t like doing that. It’s not fair to the community I represent.”

Chairman Stephen Grubbs told the PEDC board of directors during a special session Monday that investigator Danny Defenbaugh said he would have the report to the council by Monday as requested, but he “would also try to have that report to the PEDC by Friday.” Once the report is received, PEDC plans to release payment for invoices submitted.

“I think the idea was to treat it like an audit – get the report, read it, understand it, and then look at next steps,” he said.

The report would be released to the public as quickly as possible, he said. Part of the board’s review could be to recommend changes or corrections.

“At some point, I would like to have an interview with Defenbaugh with that report in front of us,” board member Don Wilson said. He said he had questions, particularly about a timeline for where Defenbaugh got his information, when he gave reports and to whom. “He signed a contract on the third, and he started reviewing documents on the seventh. Did he have any documents to review?”

Board member Rebecca Clifford said Interim Director Shannon Barrentine started delivering things electronically April 7, and Bill Strathern hand delivered copies of credit card receipts he obtained through open records requests last summer. She said Strathern had been in attendance for part of the initial meeting with Defenbaugh.

The PEDC board may consider having a joint session with the City Council in August.

Barrentine said Lancaster’s request amounted to 630 pages of information such as account numbers that had to be redacted (marked out). Digital documents on a jump drive included thousands more pages – possibly as much as 8,000. The bill is estimated to be about $123.

An attorney general’s opinion is being requested for information contained in emails.

Lancaster filed the request July 11, meaning PEDC has until Friday to deliver the information. Wilson if an attorney needed to look over the information gathered.

“I would like that, because I am hanging out there,” Barrentine said.

McIlyar’s declaration of a conflict of interest with the investigation has left PEDC without legal counsel for more than a month, but the matter may resolve itself within the next week.

PEDC board members spent part of Monday’s special session discussing a request for proposals for a contract with an outside attorney to help finalize incentive agreements and deal with issues such as the open records quest and board meetings.

PEDC’s bylaws require the city attorney to serve as the board’s legal counsel “as provided for in the city charter unless there is a conflict of interest in which case the board may retain outside legal services.”

Board members estimated those outside legal services would cost $5,000 for the rest of this fiscal year and $24,000 next year. PEDC may wait until the report is delivered to see if the conflict is resolved so McIlyar can once again represent the board.

Nationally Recognized Speaker Glenn Shepard to Hold Business Seminar on Wednesday

Glenn Shepard

Glenn Shepard

The Lamar County Chamber of Commerce is sponsoring a Business Seminar for titled “How to Supervise People and Lead a Team” with Glenn Shepard.

Glenn Shepard is a nationally recognized speaker. Ron Sargent, the CEO of Staples, said “Glenn’s messages resonate with my values and those that have made Staples so successful. Clear, direct and right on target. Highly recommended.”

Attendees of the seminar will learn how to defuse tension, derail toxic behavior and energize your employees. Glenn Shepard will share strategies for solving the worst workplace problems.

This seminar is Wednesday, July 23rd at the Love Civic Center from 8:30am-noon. The fee is $129 for Chamber members and $149 for non-members. When three or more enroll together, the fourth company person attends for free.

This seminar is approved for 3.25(general) recertification credit hours toward PHR, SPHR, and GPHR recertification through the HR Certification Institute.

For more information or to register contact Gina Crawford at 903-784-2501.

PEDC to crack down on incentive, abatement compliance

PEDC_depot_sliderRecipients of tax abatements and incentives could soon be put on notice.

The Paris Economic Development Corp. board of directors plans to review the current incentive and abatement agreements to see who has complied with the information requirements. So far, it appears not many.

The information required usually includes property valuations for capital investments and payroll data to show job growth. Compliance has not been monitored very closely in the past, said Rebecca Clifford, the board secretary/treasurer. She has been working with Shannon Barrentine, interim executive director, since March to try to rectify that, including phone calls and emails every few weeks.

“Since they haven’t done it in the past, we’ve given them a little more time,” Clifford said. “We should not be sitting here in July saying, ‘Where is the information?’”

The PEDC board Tuesday put an Aug. 15 deadline on the submissions.

There are incentives committed to Campbell Soup, Harrison Walker & Harper, Paris Lakes, Skinner, Daisy Farms, T&K Machine, Bodyguard and Potters Industries. Campbell Soup, HWH, Bodyguard and Skinner have submitted information, Clifford said.

“The others we still have information that is missing,” she said. “We’ll need to get with them.”

There are also several tax abatements for industries, including Campbell Soup, Paris Warehouse, Kimberly-Clark, Paris Regional Medical Center and T&K. Of those, only Campbell Soup has submitted everything, Clifford said.

“You could say in a letter that failure to respond to this could mean an end to your tax abatement,” board member Don Wilson said.

It would be up to the various taxing authorities to actually cancel an abatement; the PEDC has no authority to do so on its own.

“You have no teeth,” said Edwin Pickle, the City Council liaison to the PEDC board. “You’re just the compliance monitor.”

He asked if PEDC could provide the information about who’s in compliance or not in the regular reports to the City Council.

“I guarantee the City Council would be interested in this,” he said.

Part of the problem is no two agreements are written the same, Barrentine said, which makes verifying compliance harder. Chairman Stephen Grubbs said the board may want to address that in the future.

Clifford said the job description for PEDC executive director puts the burden for compliance on PEDC, although at one time, city personnel took care of that.

“When Lisa Wright left in ’08, nobody has done compliance since,” Barrentine said.

Invoice shows about a third of PEDC investigation spent on financials

PEDC_depot_sliderThe investigation into Paris Economic Development Corp. was initially described as a forensic audit looking into PEDC’s financials. So how much time has been spent on those financial records? If the investigator’s invoices are any indication, not much.

Defenbaugh & Associates has submitted two invoices, one in April for about $22,000 and one in May for $21,075. The May payment has been withheld until a final report is delivered. That invoice was part of an information packet available during Tuesday’s PEDC board meeting, and eParis Extra acquired the April invoice on Wednesday.

Based on the invoices’ descriptions, of 378.6 billed hours, about a third were actually spent reviewing PEDC policy and financial records, while the rest was devoted to areas such as the business incubator, consultants, the veterans memorial and the diversity program.

A total of $3,750 was charged for looking into individuals, including the largest single line item, $3,000 for “DDBI” of former Mayor Will Baird, former PEDC Director Steve Gilbert and “Pikehurst” (probably former PEDC Chair Pike Burkhart). In forensic circles, DDBI generally means “due diligence/background investigations.” Defenbaugh’s website does not list what all that entails, but a look at other firms’ sites include background checks, identity verification, court and criminal records, business records and asset searches. The other $750 was to review files on Gilbert and Baird.

Review of PEDC finances – including bookkeeping, policies, procedures, financial records, credit cards and incentive agreements – accounted for 113 hours and $13,635. That accounts for 29.8 percent of the billable hours and 31.6 percent of the bill.

The investigation came about after the city received an anonymous letter raising concerns over a deal made in 2010 with Paris Warehouse Southwest and Rodgers-Wade. Review of HWH documents took 11 hours and $1,100.

Investigators spent 97.2 hours looking into R3bi, consultant Richard Seline, the Red River Valley Veterans Memorial and the Diversity Task Force for a total of $14,455. That accounts for 25.7 percent of the hours and 33.5 percent of the bill.

A total of 109.8 hours and $6,582.50 were spent on review and compilation of various documents, or 29 percent of the hours and 15.3 percent of the final bill.

A total of 29.1 hours were spent compiling, drafting and finishing reports for $2,645 — when the lack of a final report has been a hot-button issue in the debates surrounding the investigation.

PEDC was also billed for Defenbaugh taking the matter to the FBI in the first place, at a cost of $350 and two hours.

Five hours were spent on meetings at a cost of $200.

A $400 charge was paid for travel expenses when Danny Defenbaugh came to Paris to bid on the project.